Cool article mate, I’m a big fan of JTBD and like your riff on it for writing user stories.

I too have moved away from the typical User Story format some time ago but have been using this common Hypothesis Driven Development format:

We believe that [doing something]

For [someone]

Will result in [observable measurable behavior]

We’ll know we have succeeded when we see [measurable benefit]

Although was recently inspired a few weeks ago, after chatting with Jeff Patton, to use his modified version:

We believe that [customer/user] have [this problem/need]

And if we build/make [solution/feature/etc]

Will result in [observable measurable behavior]

Resulting in [measurable benefit]

But do think I will give your version a go, might not have metric side of the fence but it’s nice and succinct. Thanks for sharing!